Another Manic Monday, someone call the Bangles.

Hello, world.
It's "Mommy Monday" and I had the theme of today's post planned out yesterday, but never got around to sitting down and writing.

Soon I'll have a nice shiny domain or something. I don't know. Here we go.

Yesterday I was pretty sick, running a fever and the like. Now, I don't know about you, but when I run a fever I have super vivid, detailed dreams. I suppose because of his birthday being so recent, I dreamed I was about 6 and sitting on the couch with my dad. Now, the thing that struck me as crazy was that we were just sitting there together. We were watching something insignificant on TV, I had my head on his chest. I would occasionally make commentary and he would reply. He was present. He wasn't on Facebook or reddit, he wasn't reposting Memes or replying to one of 10 conversations that most present adults have going in their messenger, he wasn't checking the views on his blog post or replying to comments on whatever. He was just there, hanging out with his kid. And sure, I imagine my dad had a million things going through his head, but he wasn't actively engaging in distracting behavior.
I woke up and realized I couldn't remember a time when I was just sitting with my children with no phone or tablet distracting me from the moment. From the moments my kids will maybe one day have fever dreams back to and instead of just sitting with their mom they were sitting with her and her phone.

Fuck, that's so depressing to even type. But my fever dreams and subsequent realization really hurt. Like, I'm very upfront and honest about my addiction to social media. I can't get enough, but even I know I need time to decompress and leave the digital world behind. But maybe that isn't enough. I don't blame my depression on Facebook, my depression is my own and has nothing to do with the internet or social media, but I am realizing they are the major reasons I can't find happiness in simple moments.

A little later J & T, my two oldest, came into my room and put their heads on my chest, wrapped their arms around my waist and laid with me for a few minutes. We talked about me being sick and cuddled. And it was just what I needed. I can't remember being happier in recent memory. And I didn't need my phone in my hand or validation from "friends" on social media.

I just needed a moment with my kid's heads on my chest and our arms all wrapped around each other. I'm not a perfect mom, person, adult, sister, daughter, spouse, lover, etc.. But I am capable of realizing perfect moments, they are just easier to recognize without a phone in front of my face.

Here's to less distractions and more perfect moments this year!